I've gotten into a rut- I think about blogging as something that only can happen when I have something deep and important to say. I also get scared it will be too personal, i'm putting myself on the web, but god forbid I let any of my real self actually show through.
Which is silly, and far too restrictive.
For the past two years, I've felt I was on a vision quest, but realize now that my own restrictions and hang-ups have kept me from REALLY getting anywhere. How can you imerse yourself in change if you're still standing on the shore, wrapped in a towel dipping your foot it? And the question at this point is-what do I have to loose? What harm comes from exposing myself? What conviction can I have if I won't stand up in a roomful of strangers and defend my own beliefs?
Conformity has always been part of my life though, and for most of it, conformity was not a dirty word. It was the safe haven of an immigrant father who wanted so badly to have a better life for himself and those he love, he immersed himself in a foreign culture. But, that better life for me includes the chance to stand uo and say no to the "american dream," but rather thank you very much I'll find my own dream. Or enjoy the journey as the dream.
So yes, I've been sad and despondant lately. But not for silly reasons. Sorry Pete but I still do take things personally and am overly emotional, I've just gotten better at hiding it until I've worked through it.
And going back to an image from Paris, my life is at a rolling boil right now. And in the pot there are many possibilities-it's just seeing thru the bubbles to figure which is the tastiest.
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2 comments:
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You know yourself better than anyone sis. I am glad to see you embrace change and I know you will get the the tastiest life of all. Until then just try different things to see what you like. Have fun and live life.
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