Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

random acts of friendship


Tonight, I took a friend to an event when she got to see a celebrity she was really excited about. Personally- the celebrity (European royalty) didn't mean much to me, but to see my friend get so excited she had jello-knees, I fely realy REALLY good.

It was a two-fold deal here. The infectious excitement of a friend, and the giddiness that a gesture given out of friendship to a friend can mean so much. It made me happier than I've been in a while, just being able to give that much happiness to a friend. And it made me remember how important my friends are, and how lucky I am to be blessed with sucha great GREAT group around me.

So thanks guys- for all I don't say it everyday-y'all are amazing. You're my inspiration and reward.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Je sais/ Je ne sais pas Part 1: I don't know my family

I hereby formally and publically acknowledge I know nothing about my family members.

All my preconcieved notions and views- are bunk. And I LOVE it.

I feel a really important for a good relationship-be it friends or romantic (or both ;P ) to thrive, both sides need to be able to surprise the other with a new facet of themselves that was not manifest before. Now, we're not talking cheap card tricks or contortion tricks here. I'm talking beliefs, experiences, world views! For this to happen of course, both sides need to be open and accepting of the potential for innovation. You can't be cynical, or judgemental. You always have to accept that the people you love you know better than anyone else, and not at all at the same time.

And Famliy-in the words of Wes Anderson, not a word but a sentance. Family is the easiest group to overlook, to close yourself to. You know who your mom is- you've known her all your life. But what if you suddenly found out she worked at burlesque show before you were born- and she liked it?!!? Or your pop's who you know had an adventurous and exciting youth-ever asked him what compelled him to travel, what he was looking for?

ASK damnit! the answers are your history. And it's always good to remember everyone around you is unique and absolutely amazing.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

VRAIMENT sans but...mais...

I've gotten into a rut- I think about blogging as something that only can happen when I have something deep and important to say. I also get scared it will be too personal, i'm putting myself on the web, but god forbid I let any of my real self actually show through.

Which is silly, and far too restrictive.

For the past two years, I've felt I was on a vision quest, but realize now that my own restrictions and hang-ups have kept me from REALLY getting anywhere. How can you imerse yourself in change if you're still standing on the shore, wrapped in a towel dipping your foot it? And the question at this point is-what do I have to loose? What harm comes from exposing myself? What conviction can I have if I won't stand up in a roomful of strangers and defend my own beliefs?

Conformity has always been part of my life though, and for most of it, conformity was not a dirty word. It was the safe haven of an immigrant father who wanted so badly to have a better life for himself and those he love, he immersed himself in a foreign culture. But, that better life for me includes the chance to stand uo and say no to the "american dream," but rather thank you very much I'll find my own dream. Or enjoy the journey as the dream.

So yes, I've been sad and despondant lately. But not for silly reasons. Sorry Pete but I still do take things personally and am overly emotional, I've just gotten better at hiding it until I've worked through it.

And going back to an image from Paris, my life is at a rolling boil right now. And in the pot there are many possibilities-it's just seeing thru the bubbles to figure which is the tastiest.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

WTF

I swear- I WANT to make this thing sexier. But everytime I try to upload a pic to the template, it just hangs forever (really, ten minutes).

wtf.

dit-moi une historie (faux)

Humans want narratives.
I know this because I work in the film industry- Humans want stories. Hard facts are mearly props in the story, and as such can be used any number of different ways according to the story the author wants to tell.

Everyone tells themselves stories-and often between individuals, stories are the source of miscommunication, and even breakdown of all communication. Women especially tell themselves stories, and get caught up in the emotion of what they THINK happened, they act on that emotion before they even bother to find out if it was true. Kind of like when you wake up angry from a dream. You may punch the person in bed next to you, even if you know the emotions the dream inspired aren't real.

Crazy!

So the option then, seems pretty clear, ASK. Tell the person what's going through your head, and either experience the emotions because you were right, or get over it.

But what about when the stories are helpful-what about when the stories keep us from engaging ourselves in situations that can be more emotionally damaging than believing the untested story? Is it good then to hold onto the story? Is it better to have the comfor of the truth we've made up than the harsh reality?

Maybe yes.

Maybe facts don't really matter-they are just props. Maybe the emotional experience is what people really want. Life is still stressful, but we for the most part don't experience the stress to survive that our ancestors did. Stories often create emotional stress, and maybe that's what Humans need to evolve and grow.

I feel when people say they seek Truth, what they really mean is they are seeking the answer that really resonates for them. Your Truth is not mine is not my brothers is not my best friends. And while we all may be able to see the value of the others, we all have to find our own.

So maybe, if in all these false (I hope) stories I'm telling myself, there is still an important grain of Truth-as well as a handy emotional wall.